This book should have been titled Plenty of Regrets for buying this POS. Seriously.
Caroline Torrington is large. She wears glasses. This is mentioned in just about every breath, so no one is allowed to forget it. Sometimes she is called buxom. So you wonder, does that mean her boobs are big? Or does it mean that she's fat? Who knows? And after about 100 pages, who cares?
Caroline is the daughter of a vicar, and it is revealed in flashbacks that she has known the hero Lucas (Lord Foxhaven) all her life. Once the vicar died Caroline and her three sisters have had to go to work and the start of the book has her washing up dishes from an event in a nearby manor.
Enter Lucas. Lucas is misunderstood by his daddy, so instead of conforming to anything daddy wants, Lucas wants and allows daddy to believe the worst of him. Lucas wanted to play the piano but daddy said no, and since mommy was dead Lucas is unable to do anything he wants to do. Wahhh! Lucas even allows Caroline to take the blame once as children for something he did. What a guy.
When they are grown, Lucas's daddy says, No, Lucas, you cannot marry anyone but Caroline if you want your grandma's money. So Lucas asks Caroline who says, Oh, noes, I cannot marry you as you are cute and I am a dog. Lucas says okay and goes off somewhere to whore it up. Caroline, of course, goes home to weep copious amounts on account of she really wants Lucas but can never have him. Huh?
Time goes by. Lucas really, really needs his money. He wants to build a school for street kids to learn music. Yes, that is just what the poor urchins who don't have anything to eat and live in the street want - they want to play music. How about regular schooling, jobs, etc? But I digress. Lucas needs his money to get this school for the poor deprived musicians underway. So he takes another run at Caroline - this time he comes into a house party where she is washing dishes while on horseback. Now this might sound semi-romantic but Lucas doesn't really want Caroline - he just needs her John Hancock on the marriage certificate to get his money.
He picks her up on the horse, rides up the stairs of this manor with her and locks them in a room so she will be hopelessly compromised and have to marry him. Oh, woe is Caroline. So ugly, fat, large, buxom. So unworthy of the hot Lucas. Okay, I'll marry you but only if you provide seasons for my indigent sisters. I was surprised that Lucas didn't say, "Hey - are your sisters frustrated musicians? 'Cause I've got a deal for you". Instead he agrees and they both sign a paper that if either of them want out of the marriage for any reason it shall be so.
Now married Lucas must control himself around the fat, large, buxom Caroline. Of course this is difficult, so every now and then, just to keep her off balance, he'll sneak and kiss/feel/etc. and then reject her. So she is more convinced than ever that he is hot and she is not. Caroline figures out Lucas is going somewhere secret - the school for street urchins turned musicians, of course, but he couldn't come right out and tell her, for God's sake! - and she figures he's got a hottie on the side.
In comes Lucas's father's favorite nephew. He is the favored one over Lucas on account of he takes the father's crap and doesn't say anything (see, Lucas?!) and unknown to Lucas he really wants all the old man's money, all of Lucas's money and the fat/large/buxom Caroline to boot. Entre le conflict.
He is super nice to Caroline while Lucas blows hot and cold. He convinces Caroline to leave Lucas which plays right into his and another blackguard's hands. You see, as if this weren't a stupid enough book, we have a French cousin who comes along and tells Caroline that she is heir to a large estate in France so she should come meet her auntie. The inheritance thing is true, so cousin will have to marry Caroline to keep his hands on it. He doesn't think Caroline is fat/large/buxom, so of course she goes to France.
Meantime, the street urchin musicians have had enough and start to cause Lucas difficulty so he can't run right after Caroline.
Finally he gets free of the situation and goes to France where the bad guys are vanquished, they make up and all is well. For them, I guess, cause by that time I was ready to hurl the book. Talk about stupid. They never get it on, no one gets it on, the bad guys were transparent and the plot sucked.
This type of plot makes me crazy. One small conversation could have cleared up everything. Hey, Caroline, I don't think you're fat/large/buxom and you are worthy, and btw I have a house full of dirty musicians - wanna be house mom? Hey, Lucas, OKAY. The end. I could have saved myself a few hours and frustration if I could have just written that in the first chapter.
Live and learn. And I've learned not to read anything by this author again. Sheesh.
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