Stylin' and Profilin' - Sort Of

Here's the dilemma. How do you style a little over one-inch of hair? I'm not complaining, mind you, but my slow regrowth is killing me.

The hair that I had before chemo is at home in a ziplock bag. I know, pretty macabre, huh? It seemed like a good idea at the time - to save it. My sons tell me it's gross, it's sick, etc. I just wanted to keep it until the new hair came in just to compare colors. I had heard tons of stories from the cancer survivors at chemo and other places that your hair will grow back curly if it was straight before, it will grow back red if it was blond, etc. So I really did keep it for that and some other possibly more deep-seated reasons.

The loss of hair during chemo was one of the most debilitating events of my life. I had no idea before it happened to me how important your hair is to your identity as a person, as a woman. I felt the ugliest I have ever felt in my life during those months. I wore a scarf and a hat over it, but I wished I could have worn a hood. I just did not want to be seen. I can't explain it any more clearly than that.

I still don't want to be seen. My hair, although it is growing, is so short it's unmanageable. It is growing back and forms a peak (a sort of faux-hawk) along the middle of my head that I have to ruthlessly tame down with gel. It is a totally different color - it is a pukey brown with lots of gray. I knew I had gray but not to this extent. I'm not in denial - my hairdresser of 20+ years is in agreement. I have never been afraid of gray, I just don't like gray mixed with brown. If it is predominantly gray, then I will embrace it...but right now it's more gray in the front and brownish in the back. Not loving it right now.

Several people have told me that they love the new look, that I am sort of rocking Jamie Lee Curtis. Hmm. I guess there are worse things that being compared to an attractive possible intersexual but that's not how I see myself. In fact, her hair is a bit longer than mine in this photo, although we both have dark glasses. While I don't have anything against her, I am not tall or thin and I just feel very "butch" with this hair.

The biggest decision I have looming is whether or not to highlight it blond again once it reaches a length where that can be done. It's really a hard choice. My photo in the sidebar shows that I had it a bit longer and very highlighted at the time of chemo. I am definitely growing it out again. I'm getting older and if I don't do it now, when will I, you know? But the color. That is the big question.

I guess I'll be patient for a few more months, get some more growth and see how it looks when it is not sticking up on my head. If it is mostly gray, I'll leave it alone, I think. Who knows? I'm a woman and we do have a tendency to change our minds...